Probably Paranoia

I'm moderately active. I used to run every day (sometimes twice a day) before this happened.

Jake is extremely active, and not just as far as exercise is concerned. He's kind of crazy.

So, it's been no surprise to me that the Beast has been an especially active fetus. It normally feels like s/he is trying to skip the whole vaginal delivery ordeal and just kick an exit in my (right) side.

Thursday, I had a doc appointment. The heart monitor Doppler madoodle picked up a heartbeat that was just as fast as it usually is (150ish), but I remember thinking, "That sounds kinda weird." I didn't say anything, though, because I figured the doctor standing there would probably notice if something was up. He didn't say anything, so I didn't say anything.

Friday, I wasn't really paying attention to the Beast's kicks all day. I'm not in the habit of purposefully lying down and feeling for movement, because like I said, normally the Beast is trying to kick his/her way out of my side. It wasn't until that evening after dinner (TACOS so yummy in my tummy) that I realized I hadn't been assaulted all day... not to my recollection, anyway. I remember a 10-minute bout of hiccups, but that's pretty much it. I mentioned this to Jake, and he immediately started to poke me in the belly. This illicited a couple of feeble swats, which I was happy with. I figured the Beast was just having a nap day.

This morning, there hasn't been much movement at all. I even slammajammed a glass of OJ, which normally sends the Beast bouncing off the walls, but nothing. Not really. I've felt the equivalent (basically) of when you go to wake up someone who is trying to sleep in, and they just roll away from you and mutter something under their breath. That's all I got. The Beast just rolled over and went, "Flurmmmggggg," and went right back to sleep.

Being the Internet-addicted computer monkey that I am, I summoned the Google and asked it "fetal movement before labor." I've been wondering for a few days now if fetuses can sense their imminent ejection, and if they react to that, either by flipping out or by trying to be very still and hang on for dear life. I found several message boards and articles on teh Google which said the following:

It's normal for babies to slow down movement right before labor. This could mean two hours or two days. Apparently, the dropping of the head into the pelvis causes them to get "stuck," which makes movement difficult. However, this isn't true for all babies and some continue to breakdance all the way through delivery until they come shooting out into the world.

It's normal for babies to slow down movement as they get bigger and space gets hard to find. I don't think this is the case, unless the Beast doubled in size since Wednesday. As I recall, s/he was having a blast kicking the crap out of me on Wednesday and Thursday morning.

The idea that a slowing of fetal movement before labor is normal, is a total myth. Go to the hospital. Get help now. *whimper*

So, it's either perfectly fine, or a total myth and the Beast is dying as I type this. I've spent the last hour pumping myself up in preparation for calling the hospital. I don't like talking on the phone to strangers. Not at all. I wouldn't ever answer the phone as a kid, and I still don't leave messages for people unless I really need them to call me back. Also, I have the suspicion that the conversation is going to go something like this:

Nurse: Hello, this is Nurse Someone in Labor and Delivery. We're very busy this morning, but I answered the phone anyway because if I don't, I'll get yelled at by a doctor. What do you want?

Me: Uhhh, hi. *several seconds of awkward stammering* I'm 39 weeks pregnant and since yesterday, my baby hasn't been mov--

Nurse: Have you felt any movements at all? Did I mention how busy we are?

Me: Yes.

Nurse: Yes you've felt movement? Or yes you understand that you're wasting my precious time?

Me: Uhh... both?

Nurse: If you've felt movement, you're fine.

Me: But it's not as much movement as usual. Usually the baby is kicking so hard it feels like Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris all up inside me.

Nurse: If you've felt movement, you're fine.

Me: Yeah, but--

Nurse: IF YOU'VE FELT MOVEMENT, YOU'RE FINE. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? NO? GREAT. GOOD-BYE. *click*

Me: