38 Weeks

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Longest. Week. Ever.

I had something interesting to write about, but I forgot. >:|

I remembered!!

Since I'm now officially full-term (wheeeee), and could conceivably go into labor any day now, I thought analyzing some trademark early labor warnings would be good. Even though using these signs to predict labor is about as accurate as using skunk intestines to tell the future, I guess it's still helpful to be aware that feeling the need to poop all the time might mean something is happening... or not.

So here we go... Labor Warning Signs!

1. Dropping/Lightening

This is one I'm really looking forward to. When the baby is getting ready for delivery, it drops down into your hoo-ha area. This puts more pressure on your lady parts, which I hear is uncomfortable, but it also frees up space for your lungs to expand. And holy shit I don't care how much pressure gets put on my crotch just as long as I can breathe again.

Now, I kind of wonder about this dropping thing... is the not-on-my-lungs feeling consistent no matter how you're positioned? Because I have absolutely no problem breathing when I'm upright (sitting, standing, what have you). I only notice breathing problems when I'm lying down. It makes sleeping difficult.

2. Bye-Bye Mucous Plug

Apparently, it's possible to not even notice this one. I've been on the lookout for mysterious mucousy stuff, but so far, I got nothing. Sighhhh.

3. Pelvic Pressure

Now, I'm not quite sure what exactly is meant by "pelvic pressure." Different websites describe it as different things. I guess, depending on who you are, it could feel like almost anything. Most of these websites agree that pelvic pressure mostly feels like you have to poop or peep all the time. I've felt like I need to peep all the time for like... 3 months, now. Poopin', not so much.

Jake and I went on a walk the other day. It wasn't a particularly strenuous walk. Uphill a little bit, but no big deal. However, every couple of minutes, I would have to stop for a second because it felt like someone was stabbing me in the bladder. It wasn't a "gotta go" feeling, but kind of reminded me of the one UTI I've had. Jake got all excited that I was going into labor, but I assured him that was not the case. I've heard that contractions feel like wicked awful period cramps, and that's not what this felt like at all. I have these same stabbin'-bladder pains almost every time I go from sitting to standing. I can't stand up too fast and when I do, I walk bent over like an old lady for a few steps. It doesn't feel like I have to poo, but it's definitely uncomfy in my pelvic area. I'm going to mention it to the doc when I go next.

4. Braxton Hicks

Practice contractions? Apparently, my uterus is of the opinion that it doesn't need to practice. Then again, maybe it is practicing, but like a boy practices ballet: behind locked doors where no one can see him.

5. Shivering/Trembling

Shivering during labor is apparently a response to the flood of hormones pouring through your veins. I thought it would be in antici

pation.

6. Diarrhea (Cha Cha Cha)

One of the body's preparations for childbirth is o expel all other objects from that area... like doody. Prostoglandins help the cervix to ripen, and they also cause diarrhea. Fun! I guess having diarrhea at home is better than pooping on the hospital bed.

7. Nesting

I might be starting to nest. I cleaned downstairs yesterday, and washed all of the Beast's clothes (didn't fold them, but hey, washing is a start!). I'm going shopping to finish up my registry list today (maybe). Mostly, I'm dusting everything. But I've always hated dust. So maybe I'm not nesting? I don't know.

8. Ruptured Membranes

Also known as "water breaking." Since the Beast is head-down, I'm not afraid of gushing everywhere, since his/her head will be there to block most of the amniotic fluid from coming out. 2-3 tablespoons is the average amount for head-down babies, or so I hear. Also, apparently, only 10% of women experience water breakage before they actually start active labor. Some people like to interpret this as "90% of women need to have their bag of waters artificially stripped by a physician," which is not the case.

9. Effacement/Dilation

I can't exactly check these myself, so I almost didn't include them. Also, you can be 8cm dilated and 80% effaced for weeks and not go into labor, or you can be 0cm 0% in the morning, and go into labor at lunch. It's unpredictable, which is why I'm not too concerned what the doc says my dilation/effacement score is.

10. Contractions

Duh!! I don't know why these websites even include this one of the list of things that might mean you're in labor. For a first-timer, diarrhea might not seem like the most obvious sign of impending labor, but fuckin' contractions are kind of derp. If you're 38+ weeks pregnant and having intense abdominal pain, if your first thought isn't "Oh shit I must be in labor," then you're a goddamned idiot.