"They Stole My Sock, Brah"

Complete with translation!

D Double-O M DOOM

Jake just made me sign up for a half marathon.

That's 13.1 miles.

It's September 3rd. So we have 5-ish months to get ready.

I'm probably going to die.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I went shopping yesterday. I probably don't have to tell you that retail therapy is the best way to de-stress (except maybe a deep-tissue massage on the beach somewhere fabulous), and yesterday I de-stressed a lot.

I went to Ikea for some shelving stuff (which is technically shopping), but the big wonderful purchase occurred at Target.

Jogging stroller!

I purchased the BabyTrend Expedition jogging stroller. The link is to Amazon.com, but I bought it at Target for the same price. The only upside to ordering it from Amazon would have been that I wouldn't have had to drag it inside from my car. The box is huge and ungainly!

It was a total breeze to put together, and I took it for its first road test this morning. It was awesome. If you don't care about bells and whistles and want a jogging stroller for a great price, this one is it. Two thumbs up!

I wanted to road test it yesterday when I first put it together, but I really didn't have the time. So last night, I set my alarm with the intention to get up early, strap Camille in, and go for a nice walk/jog. I was woken up an hour before my alarm (Camille decided that an early-morning party was in order), but I got up and got ready for strollering.

Then I checked the weather.

30 degrees.

Shit! That's cold!

You said it, adorable kitteh.

Now normally, I'd be a weenie and say it's too cold to go outside, and I'd promptly turn on Netflix study for my physio test. But today, I was hellbent on taking the stroller for its maiden voyage, so I put Camille in, wrapped her with blankets, and off we went!

My goal today was to find a geocache that's nearby. I read about it whenever I look up caches, but I just never got around to it. Well, it happens to be right along the Bonneville Shoreline Trail, which is a bike/walking path that is nice and smooth and wide. Perfect for a stroll!

The cache is called the Suicide Rock Book Exchange, and is a large weatherproof box full of paperback books (and one hardcover Book of Mormon). Since I'm a genius and I know everything, I didn't consult my GPS as I struck out on the trail. I thought, "Suicide Rock, eh? I know just where that is!" and off I went. Well, the cache isn't all the way down to Suicide Rock, so I went aaaaaaalllllllll the way there for nothing.

OK, not for nothing. I did get some nice pictures. :)

Don't worry: none of these pictures shows where the cache is. In fact, none of them are even near it!

Suicide Rock

The path down to Suicide Rock.

View of the valley from the trail.

The trail is very nice and scenic. I walked it almost every day when I was pregnant.

I found a coin in the cache. It's not a GeoCoin; it's called a PathTag. I looked it up and logged it, and I guess PathTags are different from GeoCoins in that you don't have to place the PathTag in another cache. You can keep it forever if you want! Well, I'm not sure if I want to keep it. It's cool and all, but I feel like I should keep it going. So hopefully I remember it the next time I go caching.

I just had a great idea. I'm going to crochet a geocaching bag. I will keep swag in it. Yesssssssss.

Operation Single Sleeper

It's time for another Operation! This one involves convincing Camille that sleeping in her own bed is more fun than sleeping in bed with us.

So far, this Operation has been a failure. But last night was the first night, so we're still in the early stages. She slept for a couple hours in her bassinet, but once she woke up and figured out where she was, she screamed until I couldn't take it anymore. I'm weak!

Halloweenie

I know what you're thinking. "Hey, it's March. It's a little early to be thinking about Halloween."

Well, my friend, that's where you'd be WRONG!

Jake and I have decided on our Halloween costumes (and Camille's), and they are SO AWESOME that we have to plan way ahead for them.

So what are we going as?

Jake is going to be Captain Buck Rogers.

Fabulous hair.

I'm going to be Colonel Wilma Deering.

Fabulous helmet.

And Camille is going to be Twiki.

We have to teach her how to say "beedy beedy beedy."

OK, admit it. Our costumes are going to be off the hook!

Six Months Old

Camille is six months old!!

I took like 900 pictures and her facial expression didn't change at all.
I guess this month we'll have a deadpan picture.

Camille sits up very well now. Sometimes she still falls over, usually straight onto her face, but she's much better at leaning over and grabbing toys and not falling.

She likes her baby laptop a lot, but I hate the damn thing. The songs get stuck in my head.

She kinda claps. She'll smack her hands together if you clap, but it doesn't make any noise. Whatever! Close enough.

She's way better at turning over, both ways. She'll flip all around if she's in the mood. She also does something that Jake and I call "bulldozing." She'll be on her tummy, and she'll wedge her feet into the floor and stick her butt way up. Then she'll push herself forward, thus bulldozing anything in her way with her head. She bulldozed right off the edge of the bed one day. She fell onto a pillow that was on the floor, but it scared her so she cried anyway. I almost cried, too.

Her most recent feat is illustrated in this picture:

There's the first step toward crawling!! She'll push up on her hands and knees, but she doesn't know where to go from there. She just sits like that for a few minutes, then she'll fall onto the ground or start crying. I know that when she actually starts crawling I'm going to hate it, but I'm still looking forward to it.

Now is the start of her sign language learning. We're starting with "eat," "more," and "milk." Once she can actually sign those, we'll move on to "pain," and then whatever else pops into my head. Or Jake's head. When she signs "poop," I'll know where she learned it.

Florida: Days 6 and 7

On Thursday, Jake and I kinda had an easy day. We went to the beach again in the morning, and it was crazy windy. Then, we kinda farted around for a little bit, and then went to dinner at a yummy Asian restaurant called Pacific Rim.

Beach Photos

We went and had pictures taken on the beach on Monday, and the photographer just put up some previews on her blog, simplyspottedblog.com. They're so sweet!

OK, the second picture - the one of Jake and I holding her hands - I think she totally looks like Cartman from Southpark.

Florida: Day 5

Today, Jake and I went and got breakfast at C'est la Vie, a French restaurant and bakery on Main Street. As usual, it was scrummy! Then we walked down to the Bayfront and I found a geocache! Well actually, Jake found it; I was just standing closer to it.

Florida: Day 4

There will be more pictures in a few days. I'm a huge twerp and I left my camera's cable in Utah. I have a ton of pictures on my memory stick but no way to get them on the Internet yet. I suck! But anyway...

Florida: Days 1, 2 and 3

Vacation!

We're in Sarasota, Florida. I grew up here and it's where I always come back to. The weather is awesome, the beaches are beautiful, and the 'gators are snapping!

Lotion: 1. Eczema: 0

Camille's eczema is almost gone away. Yay! A morning and night lotion regimen, plus decreasing her baths to only two nights a week, seems to be working. I still give her a sponge bath in the mornings, but I only clean her face, under her chin, her hands, her armpits, and between her toes (not in that order). Then I dip her in a vat of lotion and our day begins!

I really hope that Florida is good for her eczema. Apparently, humidity is really good for eczema, but heat is not. And Florida, while humid, can also get pretty hot. However, since it's only March, I'm hoping the temperature doesn't get too high. Mid-80's, maybe? That would be nice!

It would just really suck if her eczema flared up down there. That would make for a long, sleepless week. :(

I Gots a Hairs Cut

The darkish dot by my eye isn't a zit, it's a mole!

Yaaaaaay hair cut! And I got it dyed. I used to dye it just one shade lighter than black, and I always thought it looked good. I really suck at picking out styles that work for me, so I just said "I want layers, no bangs, no mullet. Go nuts!" I think it looks great!

Hairstylist girl told me not to wash hair for 48 hours in order to maximize color stay. If I go more than 24 hours without washing my hair, it starts to resemble a dirty wet mop. So... I dunno. I think I can make it 24 hours no problem. But 48? We'll see how I feel tomorrow afternoon.

Why I Don't Celebrate St. Patrick's Day

This post is an explanation why you will be beaten up if you pinch me on St. Paddy's Day, because I most likely will not be wearing green.

Camille's Springtime Flower Hat

I don't think I'm done with it yet. I want to add another flower, I just don't know where to put it. Yet!

New Layout

Ta-Da!

I thought it looks a little cleaner and less cluttered this way.

What do you think?

I'm SO Excited!

Aaahhhhhh four days until Florida!

I just got the suitcases out of the storage closet and set them in the front hallway. There's one for me, one for Jake, and a little one for Camille. Camille's suitcase will mostly be packed with diapers, wet wipes, and extra toys. I don't think much else can fit into it.

My suitcase will be filled with bathing suits, flip flops, and sunscreen. Maybe a pair of pants Maybe not.

Tsunamis Tsuck

I know that the earthquake and tsunami in Japan happened a few days ago, and I usually try to keep my posts on this blog happy and lighthearted and smattered rather than fraught with naughty words.

However, I find that I NEED to say something regarding the tragedy in Japan.

Mondays are Shitty

Literally. (WARNING: there are graphic pictures of doo doo in this blog post. Read at your own risk!)

My morning ritual goes like this: wake up, feed Camille, take a shower, give her a sponge bath, lotion her up, get her dressed. Then we come downstairs, I sit her on her playmat, and I make myself breakfast and read Interweb stuff while she plays with her toys. By the time I'm done eating, she's ready for second breakfast, and then she takes a nap.

I love mornings.

I FEEL PRITTAH

Oh Em Gee!

Jake and I are going to a friend's post-chemo-cancer-beatdown-drink-a-thon tonight, and I got a wild hair up my butt and decided to try on my normal, pre-pregnancy pants once more to see if any of them fit.

A Bit of a Gigglepuss

I try to cook dinner on Wednesday nights. I don't have class or anything, so Wednesdays are the time to do it. While I cook, Jake plays with Camille. While I was in the kitchen, I heard Camille shrieking in the living room. When I poked my head in to see what the commotion was, I saw Jake lying on the floor in front of her, making faces, and Camille simply howling with laughter.

More footage of Camille, only this time she's pretending to cry. The secret of the cry is to look at her tongue: if she's sticking it out, she's so faking.

While I wrote this post, I was holding Camille, and she was laughing at the video of herself crying.

Holy Crap, It's Mardi Gras!

*Warning - this blog post may be offensive if you're religious and you can't take a joke. I don't actually believe that Jesus hungered for brains. So don't whine about it!*

I knew it was Mardi Gras, but I totally forgot to post anything until just now. There was an astounding lack of anything Mardi Gras related on Facebook, so I posted this gem:

It's Mardi Gras... Show me your boobies!

And people did.

How I Know I'm Supposed to Be a Big Fat Person

I've lived in a lot of places because of the Air Force, and when I think back to all those places, what pops into my mind first and foremost is the food that I loved in each location.

Hometown: Rico's Pizzeria.

Monterey CA: Compagno's Sandwiches, every Persian food place in the San Jose area.

San Angelo TX: The Corner Stop Mexican food.

Omaha NE: Ahmad's Persian Food.

Bumblefuck England: any lamb dish in any pub, raspberry flan at the pub near my house.

Pompeii Italy: the olives for sale in the middle of the ruins? Awesome.

The exception is Augusta, GA. There is nothing good about Augusta unless you like golf. And I don't like golf. So, there is nothing good about Augusta.

I'm So Excited!

In 11 days, Jake and Camille and I will be comfortably ensconced in a metal tube hurtling through the air at several hundred miles per hour, only a couple of hours away from landing here:

This picture is actually of the area where I grew up, like literally the exact area, like I can see my house from here. OK, I can't actually really see my house. But my house is only like 2 blocks away (to the left of this picture)

The bridge in the back left is the Ringling Bridge (yes, named after the Ringling Brothers of circus fame), and I ran over it every day - sometimes twice daily - last last summer (2009). The island-peninsula lookin' object in the center is the Downtown Marina, and is home to Marina Jack's (restaurant) and McIrishpub's (that's not the name of the restaurant; I forgot it, but it's definitely something Irish sounding). O'Leary's, maybe? They have yummy burgers.

The islands in the background aren't actually islands; they're quays (keys). St Armand's Key (ICE CREAM), Lido Key, Longboat Key, blah blah blah. That's where all the rich people live.

I'm going home. :) It's just for a little vacay for Spring Break, but I really need to spend time in outdoor temperatures in excess of 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Also, humidity.

And there are only 11 days left. AAAAHHHHH I can't wait!

Breasts Do Not a Pedophile Make

Although this blog is entitled "Go Team Boobies!" it is not a blog about breasts or breastfeeding (many of my male Facebook friends thought there would be photos of boobies here; they were disappointed). The name is taken from one of my favorite shows - The Venture Brothers! - and if you don't watch this show, what the hell is wrong with you?! You're grounded until you can recite the best lines from the first and second season from memory ("Be thankful for ze slits!").

Why Twilight is Popular

The Oatmeal first gave us this rib-tickling cartoon about Twilight, and then someone else made it a video. Brilliance!

If you aren't familiar with Teen Girl Squad from HomestarRunner.com, you should be!!

Teething/Eczema and Drag Queens

Jake and I get no sleep.

According to Jake, Camille's eczema is a relatively mild form. Therefore, her eczema alone shouldn't be the cause of her continued and increasing crankiness. So our newest hypothesis is that Camille is a big crankypants because of eczema and teething.

Wonderful.

While I sit up with her during the day (during the time she should be napping but isn't), and rock her while she cries because she's tired but won't nap, I watch movies.

I saw To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar a looooong time ago, and I remembered that it stars one of my favorite actors, John Leguizamo, and that it was funny and fabulous. So I Netflixed it and watched it. I had completely forgotten that the three stars of the movie are - alongside John Leguizamo - Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes. A more perfect trio of queens there never was and never will be.

Fierce.

Google image P.S., When I searched for this picture, I found a different one that I picked first. However, the image was taken from a post about Patrick Swayze's death... on a white-pride forum (apparently, this picture was used to demonstrate why Swayze was a race traitor? I didn't read the post, just saw the title of the thread). I didn't really want to link to a white-pride anything from my blog, so I didn't include that picture and found the above one instead.

Dear Camille,

You know how I said I was going to get better about these? Yeah, whatever.

Your dad and I both think you're left-handed. You always reach for stuff with your left hand first. You always chew on your left hand. You always grab my hair with your left hand. I guess it's a bit early to really definitively say, but yeah, that's what we're thinking.

Your eczema is getting worse every day. You wiggle around to scratch your back when you're laying down, which makes your back all red and makes you cry. There's nothing we can do about it, either, except slather you with lotion, keep you naked, and hold you up so you're not rubbing.

Soon, you're going to be able to hold yourself up... you can sit up! You did it last Saturday by yourself. You still fall over every couple of minutes, but you're getting better at sitting up straighter and for longer periods of time. Once you can really sit up on your own, I bet your eczema will start getting better, especially on your back.

Love, Mom

Videos That Are Way More Adorable Than Kim Kardashian

Not that that's hard to accomplish or anything. I hate celebrities that are famous for being famous. "Oohh I made a sex tape; now find me fascinating!" I find it fascinating (and sad, very sad) that anyone even gives a shit who you are.

I just posted a post featuring Kim Kardashian's newest musical abomination. The reason I even stumbled across it is because I was on my YouTube account uploading some videos of Camille. The Kim K song was too awful to not share. It's kind of like when you smell something, and it smells gross, so you give it to your friends and say, "OMG this smells like a burning wildebeest! SNIFF IT. SHARE MY PAIN."

Anyway, on with the show!

Listen, If You Dare

This is possibly the most horrendous song that has ever been created by anyone anywhere ever.

Don't listen to this song if you already suffer from any kind of mental disorder, because this piece of shit song will probably be the last thing you hear before you dive headfirst into complete madness.

If hostile beings from another galaxy descend upon the Earth tomorrow, we'll simply have to play this song on every radio and TV station on the planet, and the invaders will either fall gibbering with blood coming from their ears, or they'll flee across the universe.

The Rare and Elusive Snow Ewok

Also known as teddybearus arcticus.

February Diaper Count

If you will recall, Jake and I started keeping track of Camille's diaper usage. We started January 1st and wil go until December 31st. It's kind of just for fun and to get an idea of how many diapers the average baby uses in a year.

Well, February's count is:

(drumroll)

121 diapers total
76 pee
45 poo

That's an average of 4.3 diapers per day.

In January, there were 133 total diapers, which averaged out to 4.3 diapers per day. Hooray for a consistent baby!

Camille is on track to go through 1,569.5 diapers this year. That's a lot of diapers!