For those of you who don't feel like reading the article, here's the rundown of the list:
1. Not getting to the hospital on time.
2. Not being able to handle the pain.
3. Having a C-section.
4. Dying.
5. Pooping.
6. Epidural.
7. Tearing.
8. The birth plan being ignored.
9. Being in labor forever.
10. Delivery complications.
I'm not worried about #1. The hospital I've chosen to deliver at is 14 minutes away, according to GoogleMaps. Depending on the time of day we have to make the drive, it might end up being closer to half an hour (the road we would take goes right past the U, and traffic can get hairy). But still... half an hour? If I wait too long to leave and end up having the baby in the car on the way, that's my own fault. I'm going to head in as soon as my water breaks. I figure that should give me more than half an hour.
The pain of childbirth has begun to weigh on my mind. Not heavy yet, but it's there. I'm determined to do this without painkillers (barring any kind of emergency procedures), and those who know me can attest to my stubbornness. No drugs, DAMMIT! I don't even want them to put an IV in, because I have this fear that someone is going to sneak in and put something other than saline in the drip, thus ruining my perfect birthing experience. Anyway, I'm trying to do pregnancy yoga every day, walking with Sophie when I can, and generally trying to keep in shape so I can have an easier labor. I wanted to do hypnobirthing, but the classes are WAY expensive. I've done biofeedback before, which is basically all deep breathing does for you, so I think I'll be able to handle much of the pain on my own. For the other pain, I can always try my best to crush Jake's hands.
I am very afraid of having a C-section. Moreover, I'm afraid of circumstances leading up to me needing a C-section. I'm only going to allow a C-section if the Beast is in distress... like, serious distress. Cord around his/her neck... that kind of distress. If the Beast is breech (depending on the breech, I suppose), I still want to try for a vaginal delivery. Like I said, it depends on the exact position, but breech babies have been delivered vaginally before, and they'll be delivered vaginally again. I really, really don't want my abdominal muscles to get cut apart. It's hard enough now to move around, and they're only stretched. But cut right apart? Not on my watch, skippy.
I hadn't really thought about dying in childbirth. After reading this article, I started thinking about dying, and I got scared. I looked up statistics for maternal childbirth mortality rates in the United States, and I got un-scared. Statistically, 13 out of 100,000 live births result in the death of the mother (this is a general average... some places report 11 in 100,000, and others report up to 17 in 100,000) Apparently, Maine is the safest state in the US to give birth, and Georgia is the most dangerous. Glad I don't live in Georgia anymore!! *cackle* However, the risk factors involved in maternal mortality don't really apply to me (so far): obesity and obesity-related complications (diabetes, eclampsia, etc), poor prenatal care, and... are you ready for this?... C-sections! Yes, hemorrhaging from C-section is one of the factors that is causing the US's maternal mortality rate to rise. Hmm... one more reason to not get a C-section? Sho nuff.
Pooping: they don't talk about it on those birthing shows. But every pregnancy book you buy will have a really fun chapter all about pooping while in labor. It's one of those things that you kind of hear about AFTER you're already pregnant... "Wait, WHAT? I'm going to take a dump while I'm having the baby? What the... they didn't tell us about that in school!!" They don't, because it's not quite the magical miracle of life you've been imagining since girlhood if there's doody involved. I'm worried about crapping on the table, but I know that it probably happens often enough so that the attending medical personnel aren't going to be like, "DUDE, you just took a SHIT!" Doing clinicals for my CNA, I had to wipe plenty of poopers (and other, equally as disgusting body fluids) off of people, and I never really thought poorly of that person. I thought it was gross and I'd never get the smell out of my nose, but I didn't think of that person as being nasty or anything. I expect the same thing when I'm the one pooping. Oh, and I've also heard that when you start going into labor, your body kind of, um... cleanses itself. As in, your bowels loosen up and everything comes out. It's a way of prepping so you do NOT poo all over your baby. Sounds fun. I hope I don't poo on the table, but if I do, I'm not going to freak out about it.
I don't want an epidural. I'm pretty much not going to allow them to give me one unless I NEED it, and by that I mean if I need a C-section (because I think they give you an epidural for C-sections, rather than general anesthesia). I'm trying to go the au naturel (yes, that's spelled correctly) route and not have any kind of drugs, but I'm also incredibly afraid of having a needle jammed into my SPINE. I have tattoos on my back, but absolutely none of them are over or even near my spinal cord. I'm aware that a tattoo needle wouldn't penetrate deeply enough to do damage to my spinal cord, but I still won't get one over it. It just freaks me out. Having a needle actually inserted between vertebrae? I don't think so!! They'd have to knock me out first, which, I think, would defeat the entire purpose.
Tearing worries me. I'm worried mostly about taking care of it afterward. To keep this from happening (TMI incoming, skip the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to read about vaginas), I've been doing Kegels (which are good for other reasons, too, but also to prevent tearing) and perineal massage (if you don't know what that is, Google it... I'm not going to explain it here!). Hopefully, those in combination will keep me from tearing. But, like pooping, tearing is one of those things that happens sometimes. I'm not worried enough about tearing to get an episiotomy. Aww hells naw.
I'm not afraid of my birth plan being ignored. I've already talked about the key points with my doctor, and he's pretty much on board with everything I want. He's a very go-with-the-flow, "hey, whatever you want as long as it's safe" type of doctor, which I appreciate. I've done research on most of the things I do or do not want, so I feel like I'm going into this thing having done my homework and knowing better than the general person walking around. However, I know I'm not a doctor, nor do I have experience with this kind of thing, and I'm prepared to defer to him if an emergency arises. I AM writing a birth plan and bringing copies of it to the hospital with me, however, just in case MY doctor can't be there, and I'm attended by some new person who tries to rush me or some shit. I'm confident that my bitch abilities will be great enough to ward off any attempted deviations from my birth plan. Also, I know that patients have rights, and I know what they are, and I can quote them. BAM! Out of my face! Education rules.
No one has ever been in labor forever. I'm trying to be optimistic and expect my labor to last only a couple of hours, but you never know what might happen. My mom's water broke and I was born an hour and a half later. I'm hoping for labor like that. I know it might not happen like that. I'm open to the possibility that I might have 24-hour-long labor, and while that makes me sad, it's not the end of the world. The Beast will come out eventually, even if I have to get a (dun dun DUNNN) C-section.
Delivery complications are definitely troublesome, because some of them are neither preventable nor predictable. Baby with the umbilical cord wrapped around its neck is one of those complications. However, since I can neither prevent nor predict these complications, I'm not going to let myself worry about them. Why worry about something that probably won't even happen? Exactly.
Just sitting here, thinking about delivery, I can pinpoint exactly what my biggest fears are. I don't want to give birth lying on my back (it's just dumb), so I want to try standing, squatting, or what have you. I'm afraid people are going to think I'm weird. I know it's a stupid fear, but it's still there. I'm also afraid that my water is going to break in an embarrassing place, like at the movies. I'm probably going to avoid going out for the last couple weeks leading up to the 22nd. Another fear I have, but which isn't really related to the birth itself, is that I'm going to make cookies and bring them in for the nurses, and no one is going to eat them. Stupid fear. They're all stupid. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of people not eating my cookies.
Re: pooping - Right before I started to push, my OBGYN told me to push like I had been constipated for a month. "Don't worry about what will come out. If you're doing it right, something probably will come out." So see - if you poop, it just means you're an A+ pusher.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you mentioned your water breaking a couple times - just wanted to make sure you knew that you might go into labor without your water ever breaking on it's own. Now that I think about it, I don't think I have any friends whose water broke. (But I was afraid of that happening on the subway.)
Good luck!
Yeah I read somewhere that the same muscles you use while poopin' are the ones you should be using to push a baby out.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I know about the possibility of not having my water break on its own. :) I mentioned it because I was telling my doc that I wasn't going to go into the hospital right away; I wanted to labor at home for a little while. He said I could labor at home until my contractions were a certain amount of time apart (I forgot the exact minute amount... should probably write it down when I remember), but if my water broke I should definitely come in right away. Because I guess after your water breaks, you're more susceptible to infections and bad stuff like that. I'm hoping it will break on its own... really, I'm hoping this whole labor thing can be as intervention-free as possible!
Thanks for reading. ^_^