Inventions That Will Make Me Rich...

... if I ever become smrt enough to actually invent them.

The Binky-Binder
A device that safely affixes the binky to the baby's face. This prevents the baby from engaging in the Binky Game, wherein the baby waits until you've gotten comfortable across the room and then spits out the binky and starts crying. You return the binky to the baby's mouth, and the baby spits it out again. Repeat as many times as the baby wishes.

The Shower Helper
A baby carrier that is designed to go into the shower. Not only will it not get all funky and mildew, it will also (somehow) allow you to get yourself and the baby clean all over. Not entirely sure how yet, but I'll figure it out.

The Baby Silencer
This one was thought of with the help of my dear engineer hubby, Jake. He spent several minutes explaining to me how noise-cancelling headphones work (SNORE), and I paid attention enough to have learned that essentially, any sound wave, if met with another wave of identical frequency, will asplode and cease to be. They cancel each other out. So I thought a machine that could analyze the frequency of a baby's cry and then emit an identical frequency would be able to silence the baby. Best. Idea. Ever. Easier than my Soundproof Crib idea, and probably safer. He probably won't help me make one, just like how he won't help me make an LRAD, which is a device that basically will make someone poop their pants.

edit: A Booger-Sucker That Actually Works
'Nuff said. Jake and I just spent 15 minutes tag-teaming a booger, much to Camille's intense dislike. We got it! But I think it mostly came out due to her hysterical crying.