Stories From My Childhood

Once upon a time, my mom worked at a realty company (she still does, but back when this story took place, it was a more different realty company). One day, she was unable to pick my sister and I up from daycare for some reason, and when she expressed this fact to some coworkers, one of them - Charlie - offered to do her a favor and pick us up.

Well, Charlie came to daycare and picked up my sister and I. I think I was probably 4 or so, and Harper was 2. Little kids, in any case. Harper got strapped into the safety of the rear seat, but since I was a fearless badass, I got to sit in the front seat.

As Charlie was driving Harper and I back to the office, he got cut off by a crappy driver - probably an old person, or in Florida-speak, a "blue hair."

The Dreaded "Blue Hair"

Charlie didn't want to swear in front of the impressionable childrens, and he caught himself before he did, and instead said something like, "Oh, what a jerk!"

I looked up at him, and very matter-of-factly, said, "My mommy would have called him a fuckin' asshole."

The moral of this story is that your kids are silently recording everything you say, and are preparing to repeat it later at the most inopportune time imaginable.