The Beginning of the End

I decided to let the cat out of the bag on Facebook today. I hadn't before because... I dunno, just hadn't wanted to, really. I wanted to tell people a couple of weeks ago, but I made myself wait for today. Exercising my patience muscle is something that doesn't happen nearly enough, which may account for my nigh-uncontrollable road rage (P.S. Utah drivers, the on-ramp is there so you can SPEED UP!!!!!!!!!) Today is also the first day of my third trimester (squeal!), so I thought it would be most appropriate to announce my pregnancy on a day with meaning attached.

Don't judge me.

Here is the note I published on Facebook (for those of you who came here from Facebook, you get to read it twice!):

Fun and Exciting News from the Magical Land of Taylor

Today is a pretty important day. For me, at least. It's not because I had a Biology test this morning (which I'm pretty sure I did well on), nor because it's the last day in June (because that's not really important to anyone unless their birthday is the last day in June, or possibly the first day in July). And no, it's not even because today is the 74th anniversary of when "Gone With the Wind" was published. Why I know that is not important.

Today, friends, is important to me because today marks the beginning of the end; or more specifically, today is the first day of my third trimester.

That's right, bitches! I'm pregnant! And have been for a while. 28 weeks, to be exact.

If you didn't already know, don't get your panties in a wad. I didn't tell a lot of people. Those of you who are only just now finding out aren't less important than the people who have already known; you're just not as observant as them. Several people know because they saw a picture of me somewhere and said, "Hey, you gained weight. In one area. A very conspicuous area. Have anything to share?"

And now, the answers to some questions you may have:

Yes, I'm serious.

Yes, I am still annoyed by most children.

No, it wasn't planned (surprise!).

Yes, we're keeping Sophie. And she's afraid of the crib, so... yeah.

Yes, I really am serious.

No, we're not getting a damn minivan.

Yes, we will be selling it if it has blue eyes.

No, we don't know the sex and aren't going to find out ahead of time.

No, we haven't decided on names yet. And when we do, no, we aren't going to tell you.

Yes, duct tape is a perfectly acceptable baby shower gift.

Yes, I'm going to be a dirty hippie and do natural childbirth. Not at home or anything like that, but no epidural, etc. No, I don't want to hear your negative opinion on natural childbirth.

Yes, I'm still serious. This is not a joke.

No, no strangers have rubbed my belly yet. I think they can sense that I'd have no qualms punching them in the face if they did.

Yes, I'm going to finish school. Yes, I'm aware of how challenging that will be. No, I don't see a problem in letting Sophie babysit.

No, I haven't gotten gigantically fat.

Yes, I have had food aversions. Mainly black olives. Barf!!

I'm due on September 22nd, which is Jake's birthday. Wouldn't that be fun!? But we'll see. I'm not going to induce if I don't have to.

I've been keeping a blog re: being pregnant... http://go-team-boobies.blogspot.com/. You will observe that I went through a mean streak early on, but that settled out and now I'm mostly just sarcastic. This blog is where you'll be able to find pictures of the progression of my fatness, and also pics of the ultrasound.

So, that concludes the Fun and Exciting News! We now return you to your regularly scheduled Wednesday afternoon. ^_^

The end!

I'm impatient to see what people have to say about it. I think there might be a delay in commenting because the people who know me well are going to be convinced that it's an elaborate joke.