Tanya, I'm Copying Off of You

I was lurking on perusing your newest blog, and I saw this Bloglovin' thing. I'm giving it a try. Uhhh copycatting is the highest form of flattery?

Follow my blog with bloglovin

I guess I have to do this for it to be able to something something. I'm watching Futurama.

Happy New Year, Indeed

A couple weeks ago, Jake and I decided to keep track of certain things during 2011, many of them having to do with Camille. One of those things is how many diapers we change. Five so far. It will probably be six by the end of the night. Six times 365... that's a lot of diapers.

Tanya and Hutch went back to Tejas today after coming over and eating all my bacon. Tanya posed with Camille for some photos. Hutch is a booger and did no posing.

To christen the new year, Camille decided to baptize Jake's pants.

With pee.

Operation Tasty Secret

My bestest friend Tanya came out to the Frozen North to visit me for New Year's. YAAAAAY!!

Tanya's birthday is in a week and a half. Tanya loves cake. So I figured I'd get her a cake as a surprise birthday present. I know; I'm awesome.

Since I like to name things fake military operations names, and because it was a secret, I called the cake buying and picking-up Operation Tasty Secret.

I don't think anyone knew about that name but me.  =/

So after I busted out the cake and surprised Tanya, we decided to not eat the cake immediately but instead keep it until after we got back from visiting Temple Square to see the pretty lights.

And see them we did. And it was hella cold. But pretty.

Baby Jesus makes Jake sad.

Christmas lights make Jake sad.

Face.

Face.

Teeth.

Get out of my way, lollygagging tourists!

And here is the awesome subject of Operation Tasty Secret!

Derp!

Shiney!

Now we're eating cake and watching Modern Family. This show is awesome.

One of us may or may not be blogging. It's impossible to say.

Six Weeks

Jesus tap-dancing Christ!

It's already been six weeks since Camille was born. Insanity!

But this blog post isn't about Camille (WTF?!); it's about me. Because six weeks is relatively unimportant for her in regards to me recording her progress in life, but it is important in regards to my recovery from labor.

I am now officially not "postpartum" anymore, and if we don't consider the minor baby-blues freakout that I endured for the first two-ish weeks, I managed to make it out of the postpartum period without experiencing Postpartum Depression or Psychosis (Tanya, I don't need to hear any cracks from you about non-Postpartum-related psychosis, thankyouverymucho).

I have my six-week checkup at the doc's tomorrow, and I'm sure it's going to pretty much be him saying, "You look great, cute baby, see you next time you engage in unprotected sexytime!"

Once I get the go-ahead from him, the real pain begins. And by that, I mean it's time to start working out again.

It's not a lady; it's a man with boobies!

My workout of choice is a nice long run. Which is strange considering I have the worst knees of all time. But running makes them feel better. True story. This winter, Jake and I are also going to give Nordic skiing a whirl.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Nordic skiing, let me pose one query: are you familiar with Nordic Track?

That thing she's doing with her feet - sliding them back and forth - is basically the same movement you do with Nordic skiing. If you've gone Alpine (downhill) skiing before, you've no doubt had to traverse level ground in those skis, and you know that shuffling forward (in my case, backwards) at an agonizingly slow pace is the only way to Alpine ski on level ground. But Nordic skis allow your heel to come up, so it's easier to push your foot and the ski forward, so you don't slide backwards like I do.

Apparently, Nordic skiing is a helluva workout. And I need a helluva workout, because I'm not exactly super-sexy right now. But I will be (marginally sexy, anyway)! In March, Jake and I are taking a vacay to see my fambly in Florida, and I fully intend on hitting the beach with Camilleworm. But I used to watch the old fat pale Snowbird tourists like crazy when I was in high school, and I got grossed out when I saw them rolling up and down the beach. I still do. If you're over 80, or if your diet consists entirely of Twinkies and Big Macs, you probably don't need to be wearing a g-string bikini while in the line of sight of other humans.

Yowza.

My point, before I went on my short fat-person rant right there, was that I don't want to be one of those people who I used to get grossed out by. I'm not sure I'll be able to do much about my Steves (stretch marks, for those of you who didn't read my blog pertaining to them), but I certainly will be able to do something about my jiggles.

I went on a walk this morning with Sophie and Camille, because Sophie is such an awesome dog, and I wanted to reward her. She loves food and treats, but she loves walks even more. So a-walking we did go. Three miles. Pushing a stroller is a breeze unless it's uphill for three miles. I rewarded myself with Cadbury chocolate when I got home. Don't judge me!

Teh Interwebz Is Hear! Also, I Hate Fat Bitches.

YAY! I finally have Internet!

Jake and I moved into an apartment (townhouse technically), and we've been here for almost a week with NO INTERNETS. I know, it's like, WTF is this, a fuckin' Third World Country or something?? But today, the Comcast guy showed up and bestowed Interweb upon me, and there was much rejoicing.

Ok that's enough about Internet. Now, it's time to talk about fat people; namely, fat pregnant ladies.

Now, I understand that during a healthy pregnancy, a woman is supposed to gain between 25-35 pounds, depending. Obviously, that does not hold true for multiples. Shut up. I've resigned myself to the fact that in a few months, I'm going to gain back all that weight I lost over the summer, and then some. FUCK. Oh well, I'm going to bench press the baby in order to lose it all again.

I troll the forums on the acertainbabyforum.com website, mostly the forums for the ladies who are due in September 2010. We are all at about the same stage in our pregnancies. Good idea. There was a post that I saw yesterday that was entitled "BELLY SHOWING ALREADY???" and I just had to read it.

Here is the original post:

Hi everyone.
This is my first time posting. I am 9 weeks pregnant and it seems that I am showing already. I have always had a bit of a chubby tummy, I'm 5' 4" and 150lbs which I think is good for my height. All the books say that I shouldn't be showing at this point but I am. My belly has gotten bigger in the last few weeks and I've only gained 2 pounds. Everytime I look at my belly I'm excited to see it getting bigger but I'm worried it's not normal. I mean my whole belly is round and I think I look quite pregnant.
We haven't even told our families yet (I had an ectopic pregnancy last year so we are keeping it quiet until 3 months) so I'm a little worried someone is going to notice.
What about you ladies? When did you start showing?

It took every ounce of self-control that I possess to NOT post something along these lines:

Hi!
I'm 5'4", and the heaviest I've ever been in 140lbs, and I looked like Jabba the Hutt. At 9 weeks, your baby is an inch long. Your uterus is the size of a grapefruit. Those books are right! You're not showing! Your belly is sticking out because you're a fat fatty fat fat, not because of your baby. Do yourself AND your baby a favor and stop shoveling food into your mouth!
Alternately, you could be sticking out because you're bloated. Because that happens in pregnancy. Are you farting a lot? YES YOU ARE, DON'T FUCKING LIE.
HTH!

I didn't post it. Tanya is casting voodoo on me.

No one says anything like that, even politely. They all say, "Oh, me, too! I'm showing, too! Isn't it great! I'm 8 weeks along and I already bought maternity pants!" And I just want to scream, "YOU'RE ALL HEIFERS! Maternity pants already? Fucking seriously? Just admit it, you've had those pants for years because you have a FUPA and they're more comfortable than REAL PANTS. LOSE SOME WEIGHT, FATTIES!"

Hiss. Pant. Snort. Growl.

Soooo yeah. I'm 9 weeks and a day or something, and I weighed myself this morning. 117.1 lbs. Last time I weighed myself, I was like 119 something. I lost weight. It happens when you're too nauseous to eat anything. On that thread, I want to hug whoever invented Ginger Snaps. Those things are 100% magical. They taste like balls (spicy, gingery balls), but 4-5 of them make my nausea go away. I'll choke them down if they make the sickness stop. And they do, so I do.

I really want a hot dog today. There is a 5 Guys a few exits away. I wonder if Jake will spring for weenies for dinner...