Teh Interwebz Is Hear! Also, I Hate Fat Bitches.

YAY! I finally have Internet!

Jake and I moved into an apartment (townhouse technically), and we've been here for almost a week with NO INTERNETS. I know, it's like, WTF is this, a fuckin' Third World Country or something?? But today, the Comcast guy showed up and bestowed Interweb upon me, and there was much rejoicing.

Ok that's enough about Internet. Now, it's time to talk about fat people; namely, fat pregnant ladies.

Now, I understand that during a healthy pregnancy, a woman is supposed to gain between 25-35 pounds, depending. Obviously, that does not hold true for multiples. Shut up. I've resigned myself to the fact that in a few months, I'm going to gain back all that weight I lost over the summer, and then some. FUCK. Oh well, I'm going to bench press the baby in order to lose it all again.

I troll the forums on the acertainbabyforum.com website, mostly the forums for the ladies who are due in September 2010. We are all at about the same stage in our pregnancies. Good idea. There was a post that I saw yesterday that was entitled "BELLY SHOWING ALREADY???" and I just had to read it.

Here is the original post:

Hi everyone.
This is my first time posting. I am 9 weeks pregnant and it seems that I am showing already. I have always had a bit of a chubby tummy, I'm 5' 4" and 150lbs which I think is good for my height. All the books say that I shouldn't be showing at this point but I am. My belly has gotten bigger in the last few weeks and I've only gained 2 pounds. Everytime I look at my belly I'm excited to see it getting bigger but I'm worried it's not normal. I mean my whole belly is round and I think I look quite pregnant.
We haven't even told our families yet (I had an ectopic pregnancy last year so we are keeping it quiet until 3 months) so I'm a little worried someone is going to notice.
What about you ladies? When did you start showing?

It took every ounce of self-control that I possess to NOT post something along these lines:

Hi!
I'm 5'4", and the heaviest I've ever been in 140lbs, and I looked like Jabba the Hutt. At 9 weeks, your baby is an inch long. Your uterus is the size of a grapefruit. Those books are right! You're not showing! Your belly is sticking out because you're a fat fatty fat fat, not because of your baby. Do yourself AND your baby a favor and stop shoveling food into your mouth!
Alternately, you could be sticking out because you're bloated. Because that happens in pregnancy. Are you farting a lot? YES YOU ARE, DON'T FUCKING LIE.
HTH!

I didn't post it. Tanya is casting voodoo on me.

No one says anything like that, even politely. They all say, "Oh, me, too! I'm showing, too! Isn't it great! I'm 8 weeks along and I already bought maternity pants!" And I just want to scream, "YOU'RE ALL HEIFERS! Maternity pants already? Fucking seriously? Just admit it, you've had those pants for years because you have a FUPA and they're more comfortable than REAL PANTS. LOSE SOME WEIGHT, FATTIES!"

Hiss. Pant. Snort. Growl.

Soooo yeah. I'm 9 weeks and a day or something, and I weighed myself this morning. 117.1 lbs. Last time I weighed myself, I was like 119 something. I lost weight. It happens when you're too nauseous to eat anything. On that thread, I want to hug whoever invented Ginger Snaps. Those things are 100% magical. They taste like balls (spicy, gingery balls), but 4-5 of them make my nausea go away. I'll choke them down if they make the sickness stop. And they do, so I do.

I really want a hot dog today. There is a 5 Guys a few exits away. I wonder if Jake will spring for weenies for dinner...