Vacuum Humor

/begin rant

Years ago, I heard a comedian make a joke about vacuuming. It went a little something like this:

"Have you ever seen someone vacuuming, and they'll run the vacuum over something on the floor that is like stuck to the carpet or something. So... they'll bend down, and pull the thing off the carpet... and then drop it and vacuum it up! It's like, hey, you bent down to pick it up, and then just dropped it back on the floor again. Just pick it up and keep it up!"

Every time I vacuum, I think about that sketch, and I get annoyed at whatever comedian said it.

I constantly find things on the carpet that are stuck to it. It's usually a little chunk of Cheerio or cracker that Camille gummed up and then spat onto the carpet, where it dried and superglued itself to the fibers. It's impossible to vacuum up on its own, so what do I do? I bend down, pull it off, drop it, and then vacuum it up.

Because doing that makes more sense than picking it up and... and what? Hold it in my hand? Put it in my pocket? Most of the time when I'm vacuuming, I'm wearing sweatpants with no pockets. So I'd have to hold this chewed-up piece of cracker that would inevitably heat up and get sticky in my hand. That hand, by the way, would be full of cracker bits (because Camille likes to chew on stuff and then wipe it on the rug), so it would be impossible to use it for anything but holding these nasty pieces of cracker.

So what makes more sense? Dropping these little pieces back onto the floor and vacuuming it up, or holding the pieces in my hand while simultaneously trying to do stuff with that same hand?

If I remembered what comedian it was, I'd offer them a piece of advice: try to actually vacuum before you criticize other peoples' vacuuming methods.

On a not-so-bitchy note, a picture of a cat being vacuumed:

/end rant